Supporting the Sibling: The Child We Sometimes Forget to Check In On

Bakhtawar Riaz
4 days ago
4 min read

When a child is diagnosed with Autism, parents may experience a mix of emotions – the diagnosis may bring a sense of relief but also worry and concern. Appointments fill the calendar. Doomscrolling research on autism becomes a nightly routine. Naturally, all the attention goes towards supporting the child with autism. There are various supports available for both children who have autism and their caregivers but often left out of the conversations around autism are the siblings of those children diagnosed with autism. This is post is for them and for the caregivers who want to do right by both.

The Hidden Experience of the Sibling

Research shows that these siblings are often “the forgotten family members” in the

autism conversation (Links ABA, 2025). In a 2021 review, siblings shared feeling

neglected or less important than their sibling with autism, especially during high-stress family periods (as cited in Steps Behavioral Health, 2025). They may carry a complicated mix of emotions – love for their siblings but also confusion, frustration, embarrassment, resentment, and guilt about feeling any of these feelings at all. As caregivers, it is important to acknowledge these feelings and say clearly that these feelings are normal. They do not make a child a bad sibling. They simply make them a child.

It is important to support the sibling’s own needs and ensure that they are seen and supported. Doing so contributes to the fostering of remarkable qualities such as genuine worth, admiration and personal growth. Links ABA (2025) reports that siblings of children with autism score significantly higher on empathy measures than peers without a sibling with special needs, and approximately 75% of adult siblings say that growing up with a brother or sister with autism positively influenced their career choices, often leading them toward the helping professions.

What Actually Helps

Give them honest, age-appropriate information

One of the most important things you can do is explain autism to your other children in a way that they can understand. Do not avoid the topic. Staying away from the topic can inadvertently send the message that autism is taboo or shameful. Use simple and clear language. Allow for questions. When siblings are informed, they are far more likely to respond with empathy rather than confusion or fear. Tone matters. Your child will take cues from you on how to feel about it. It is important to use a gentle tone and avoid making autism feel heavy or frightening.

Protect one-on-one time

This is one of the most frequently cited tip across research. Scheduling “special time” with your neurotypical child, where they get to choose the activity and be the centre of attention. It does not have to be long – even 15 to 20 minutes a week works. It does not have to be elaborate. A walk, a movie night, a quiet conversation before bed. Consistency and presence matter most.

Create space for all their feelings

It is important to let children feel all their feelings. It may be tempting to redirect a child away from negative feelings about their siblings, especially feelings that may seem unfair or unkind. Remember that feelings are not facts, and just because your child feels a certain way now does not mean they will feel that way in the future. Validating all their feelings rather than shutting them down, is actually what helps children process and move through them. ASAT (n.d.) recommends encouraging an environment of open communication where the sibling can safely express frustration, sadness, or confusion, and be reassured that it is okay to feel what they feel.

If a child senses that certain feelings are off-limits, they don't stop having them; they just stop telling you.

Watch for signs they are struggling. If neurotypical siblings' needs become

deprioritized, there are real risks of internalizing problems such as anxiety, withdrawal, low self-esteem, and externalizing problems such as acting out (Mascha & Boucher, 2021). These signs may be subtle, especially in children who have learned to be "the easy one." Make check in a regular and consistent priority, not just when something seems wrong.

Celebrate who they are as an individual. It can be easy for a sibling to define

themselves in relation to their brother or sister with autism — as the helper, the

caretaker, the one who holds things together. While these roles can build genuine

strength and character, children also need room to be their own person. Encourage their interests, celebrate their milestones, and make sure they know you see them as an individual, not just for how they show up for their sibling.

Consider support for the sibling. Your neurotypical child is trying to navigate something genuinely complex. Consider either individual counselling or group supports where your neurotypical child can have a space to feel and process their experiences of being a sibling of a child with autism.

At Mind + Zen Counselling, we provide support to all family members. We can offer you, or your children (both neurotypical and neurodiverse) a space to feel, process and learn coping strategies. Book a free consult to see how our team can support your family.

Supporting the Sibling: The Child We Sometimes Forget to Check In On

The Hidden Experience of the Sibling

What Actually Helps

Give them honest, age-appropriate information

Protect one-on-one time

Create space for all their feelings

Further Reading & Sources

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