Coping Skills in the Early Years (6 and Under) - What Parents Need to Know
- Lisa Breedon
- Apr 29
- 6 min read
What are Coping Skills?
Coping is defined as the thoughts and behaviors mobilized to manage internal and external stressful situations (Folkman & Moskowitz 2004 as cited in Algorani & Gupta, 2024). They have also been described as “the conscious and volitional efforts to regulate emotion, cognition, behaviour, physiology and the environment in response to stressful events and circumstances (Compas, Connor‐Smith, Saltzman, Thomsen, & Wadsworth, 2001 as cited in Yeo et al, 2014)”. In more simple terms, these are the activities or behaviours we purposely engage in to calm our thoughts, feelings, uncomfortable bodily sensations (such as during the fight or flight response), or modification of our physical settings or surroundings, in order to alleviate distress of various forms.
According to research, children’s overall wellbeing is associated with positive social-emotional development, which is in turn underscored by the quality of a child’s coping skills and positive adaptation (Denham, Reference Denham1998; Peltokorpi, Määttä, & Uusiautti, Reference Peltokorpi, Määttä and Uusiautti2011 as cited in Frydenberg et al, 2014). Developmentally speaking, between ages 2 and 5, is a time when children move away from depending so much on their caregivers to alleviate their anxieties through what is called “co-regulation”, and start to shift towards “self-regulation” (Compas, Reference Compas, Skinner and Zimmer-Gembeck2009 as cited in Frydenberg, 2014), both which are very important to the well-being of young children especially in the early years when coregulation is paramount for infant survival and social and emotional development. At this age children will begin to explore their independence as they move into different settings. Although temperament at birth can have an impact on how children navigate situations, research shows that ultimately, the environment that they are placed in, with its potential opportunities or constraints to learn skills for coping and overall, adaptation, can have a mediating effect on a child’s outcomes (Deans et al., 2019), meaning what you do really matters! Experiences with peers and teachers at daycare, school and exposures within their community all contribute to this, but above all, within the family, not surprisingly, is the earliest and most important social context where children acquire strategies to respond and adapt to stress (e.g. Bradley, 2007;Zimmer-Gembeck & Locke, 2007 as cited in Deans et al., 2019)”. Research has shown that the quality of a child’s coping skills at age 5 is correlated with a greater likelihood of their overall wellbeing in the adult years (Moran et al., 2018). Getting little ones off on the right foot with a positive start is integral to setting the stage for what is to come.
Sources and Symptoms of Dysregulation for Little Ones
Some common identified situations that caused the most upset for 3- and 4-year-olds were identified in a study by (Frydenburg, Deans, Leang, 2019, 2021):
saying goodbye to a parent
fear of the dark
having to try something new
losing something such as a broken toy
having to choose between friends or feeling left out.
According to the Public Health Agency of Canada suggests for parents to watch for these signs your young child (ages 1-6 generally) may struggling with emotional issues:
Crying
Whining
Bedwetting
Thumb sucking
Wanting to be held
Clinging to caregivers
Stomach aches
Headaches
Isolating themselves from others
Staring into space/no emotion
Eating problems
Nightmares
Sleeping problems
Crankiness
Tantrums
Being stubborn
Fear of the dark
Being more agitated
Categories of Coping for Children:
Recent investigations with preschoolers have found that coping strategies in young children tend to form three factorially distinct categories: positive coping (refocusing their attention on a different and positive task, attempting to communicate their needs) , negative coping - emotional expression (crying and temper tantrums) and negative coping-emotional inhibition (holding in emotions, doing nothing) (Pang, 2013; Yeo et al., 2014 as cited in Guilliford et al, 2015).
As children get older, they slowly start to shift towards thinking through their reactions rather than acting on impulse, (Skinner and Zimmer-Gembeck, 2007). This enhances both the child’s self-control when facing a stressful situation and their ability to plan effective coping options (Derryberry, Reed & Pilkenton-Taylor, 2003). One thing the research seems to agree on, is overall, it is not best to categorize or label the various coping skill categories as mentioned above as “good or bad”, because the child is doing what they need to do to get themselves through, however introducing coping skills slowly which they can build on may lead to better outcomes as they become developmentally ready. One way to decipher this is that helpful coping skills lead to positivity whereas unhelpful coping has been related to anxiety (Pang, Frydenberg, & Deans, 2015; Yeo, Frydenberg, Northam, & Deans, 2014). As such, (Frydenberg, 2021) encourages “upscaling and increasing the use of helpful coping and downscaling the use of less helpful coping strategies”.
How Can Parents Help?
Although these reactions and situations may seem like something a child will easily get past or outgrow naturally, research indicates that parents taking the time to have conversations to work through challenging situations which teach and explore emotions experienced during tough moments is very helpful for young kids in the long run and research shows that this is a first step in prevention of behavioural issues later on (as cited in Guillford et al, 2015). It can be challenging at times to know how much a child can comprehend, but taking the time to break things down into kid-friendly terms can make all the difference. How parent’s model coping is also important. According to (Deans et al., 2012) “being aware of their own ways of coping and being able to prioritize engagement in targeted conversations around coping with young children, parents can foster not only the development of a shared language of coping in a family context, but they can also help to build stronger parent–child relationships (Deans, Frydenberg, & Liang, Reference Deans, Frydenberg and Liang2012).
Common Coping Strategies to Use With Young Children: A Focus on Physical Activity, Creative Expression and Relaxation
Most coping skills that can be incorporated above and beyond children’s natural responses are focused on physical activities like movement and touch and can help to release pent up emotions or energy like jumping, dancing, going for a walk, playing with bubbles, and lots of hugs and affection. Creative expression and play are also great ways for children to explore their social and emotional selves which can be done through role playing (puppets are great for this), psychoeducation such as reading to increase their social and emotional exposure and understanding, and games or other fun activities which can help to refocus their attention and give them a mental break. Creating art is also a good distraction and also can be used to explore emotional expression. Other coping strategies focus on relaxation techniques and could include listening to calming music, teaching deep breathing (which can be implemented in many creative ways) and guided imagery among others.
Links to Online Coping Resources
See the links below for some ideas about how to incorporate coping skills into both your life as well as your child's! One great thing about learning coping skills at a young age is that many skills that work for children can also be used or adapted if needed for use with older children, teens and even adults. Once a child has practiced and mastered these skills, they will have them forever!
Healthy and Unhealthy Coping for Teens and Adolescents:
References
Algorani EB, Gupta V. Coping Mechanisms. [Updated 2023 Apr 24]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2025 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK559031/
Deans, J., Frydenberg, E., & Liang, R. (2019). Measuring coping in a pre-school population. In Promoting Well-Being in the Pre-School Years. Taylor & Francis Group. https://doi.org/10.4324/9780429019180-5
Frydenberg, E., Deans, J., & Liang, R. (2014). Families Can Do Coping: Parenting Skills in the Early Years. Children Australia, 39(2), 99–106. https://doi.org/10.1017/cha.2014.7
Deans, J., Frydenberg, E., & Liang, R. (2019). Measuring coping in a pre-school population. In Promoting Well-Being in the Pre-School Years. Taylor & Francis Group. https://doi.org/10.4324/9780429019180-5
Frydenberg, E., Deans, J. & Liang, R. (2021). Developing coping skills in the early years: A positive educational approach. The Palgrave Handbook of Positive Education, pp.369-393. Springer International Publishing.
Gulliford, H., Deans, J., Frydenberg, E., & Liang, R. (2015). Teaching Coping Skills in the Context of Positive Parenting Within a Preschool Setting. Australian Psychologist, 50(3), 219–231. https://doi.org/10.1111/ap.12121
Public Health Agency of Canada. Helping Children Cope. 2011. https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/reports-publications/responding-stressful-events/helping-children-cope.html
Moran KM, Turiano NA, Gentzler AL. Parental warmth during childhood predicts coping and well-being in adulthood. J Fam Psychol. 2018 Aug;32(5):610-621. doi: 10.1037/fam0000401. Epub 2018 Apr 30. PMID: 29708363; PMCID: PMC6072567.
Yeo, K., Frydenberg, E., Northam, E., & Deans, J. (2014). Coping with stress among preschool children and associations with anxiety level and controllability of situations. Australian Journal of Psychology, 66(2), 93–101. https://doi.org/10.1111/ajpy.12047
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